Jellyfish Sinks Boat-Sign of the Apocalypse?

Do you need to ask? Of course a jellyfish sinking a boat is a sign of the apocalypse, or something. But…only because of this:

Jellyfish Crop Circle

“600ft jellyfish crop circle found in Oxfordshire field

Without the jellyfish crop circle last summer, the boat sinking would be just another interesting aquatic news story. Sort of like news stories about a total of eight severed feet washing ashore, all in the same area. Mysteries of the deep, so to speak. And stories about crop circles would be merely interesting agriculture stories — without a jellyfish making news headlines.

I’m not a follower of crop circles, although I know a lot of people are. I like my conspiracy theories’ plot lines peopled with terran entities, you know, like humans native to earth. There’s too much speculation about the extraterrestrial origins of crop circles for my taste.

I can almost grasp the concept of the president delegating his authority to a Chinese-American Secretary of Commerce so that he (the SoC) can bribe the Chinese with US missile secrets not to bankrupt the US — yet. I can *almost* see that happening. See? Human story peopled by people. I like stories about my own kind.

But as soon as you say that ETs left a jellyfish crop circle then, five months later, arranged for a jellyfish to sink a Japanese fishing trawler, well, I start thinking about Douglas Adams’ dolphins leaving earth, and politely composing a thank you note for all the fish. What are the odds?

I have no idea who’s behind crop circles. I enjoy looking at pictures of them. I even downloaded the software from HalfPastHuman.com to make them spin. Many of them are beautiful and they’re all somewhat mysterious looking. But, what the heck?

Is there a planet of jellyfish who are warning us of what awaits us, if we don’t quit putzing around with wars and weather modification and iPhones? How big are these highly intelligent, artistic, galaxy hopping jellyfish? What do they want us to do? I mean other than for us to stop overfishing and polluting the oceans.

If aliens didn’t leave a jellyfish crop circle then get one of their buddies to sink a boat, it must be that earthly jellyfish can live out of water long enough to make a 600 foot crop circle.

Either way, I feel like we’re in an episode of South Park, and that’s pretty bleeped up right there, dude.

Japanese fishing trawler sunk by giant jellyfish

8 Severed Feet-Sign of the Apocalypse?

I was of the opinion that the *third* severed foot was a sign of a serial killer playing nauseating games. I also thought the third severed foot report might have been a sign of mainstream media playing “Let’s scare the sheep” by reporting severed feet washing ashore as something unique, if the opposite is true. I mean, if thousands of severed feet, the majority of them wearing shoes, wash ashore annually then the third – bland and condescending – news story makes sense.

I’ve forgotten the exact wording of the (official) third news story, but it certainly appeared engineered to give the impression that three severed feet washing ashore in a small geographic area wasn’t anything too alarming. I remember sharks were mentioned, in the third report, so it allowed for a small amount of fear. Yet it gave the overall impression that only a deranged conspiracy theorist would expect a long, tedious, expensive investigation to be carried out when it was obviously something to be glossed over and dismissed.

I vaguely remember report number four. But, I missed out on reports number five through seven – and I was looking for them. You see, I’m one of those deranged conspiracy theorist who believes that sharks eat their meals right down to the last tasty morsel. I don’t believe they leave human feet behind on the plate as a sign of their good manners, and lack of greed.

As for the assertion that human body parts can travel thousands of miles: Yeah, but not in matched pairs!

So, are eight severed feet washing ashore a sign of the apocalypse? Well, I haven’t found severed feet specifically mentioned in doomsday prophecies. Although there are frequent mentions of the devaluation of human life, the disregard of human suffering and the overall drift of humanity toward moral depravity, as Signs of The End Times.

Let’s recap, shall we?

1. Devaluation of human life

2. Disregard of human suffering

3. Moral depravity

Could eight severed feet fall into any of those three categories? Could the international media’s attempt to downplay the story fall into any of those three categories? What about officials charged with guarding the public safety in the areas of the appearances of the severed feet: Are they as lackadaisical and unconcerned as the media stories seem to suggest? Would that lack of a thorough investigation fall into one, or all, of those three categories?

My opinion is that the truth about the eight severed feet is being zealously pursued by RCMP, FBI, local law enforcement authorities and other agencies. Perhaps the media downplays that in order to protect the investigation.

My initial impression, from the first three reports, was that the severed feet hadn’t actually “washed ashore.” I got it into my head that they’d been placed on the shore by a human being. Frankly, the “washed ashore” bit reminded me of the unborn baby “washed ashore” in the Scott Peterson case. I didn’t buy that one either.

None of which answers the question of whether or not eight severed feet appearing to have washed ashore is a sign of the apocalypse. I don’t know. But I do know that intact human body parts (remember the Peterson baby was still inside the mother’s body when she was murdered) “washed ashore” is unlikely. The ocean tears them apart and the fish eat them, even if they’re wearing shoes or sturdy clothing.

Sign of the apocalypse? Sign of a ghoul? Sign of something else? If eight intact severed feet and an unborn baby could actually wash ashore, in defiance of everything science has told us about the ocean’s actions on formerly living flesh, then the world has been turned upside down and nothing science has told us can be relied on to be reality. Nature has become unnatural.

That would mean the apocalypse is nigh.

News Story Here:

Hot Organic Farmers-Sign of the Apocalypse?

Oh, yeah. Hot organic farmers, oh wait, we better capitalize that. Hot Organic Farmers. That’s better. Hot Organic Farmers are probably a sign of the Apocalypse, if for no other reason than the list of hotties included Michelle Obama.

Maybe I’m a closet Republican but…Michelle isn’t a farmer AND (this is the clincher in my book) she doesn’t even have an organic garden! For reasons that escape me, the Hot Organic White House Garden was fertilized by sludge. Uh, effluvia. Okay, poop. And…prepare for a shock…someone, perhaps her husband’s Organic Czar, discovered, by some mysterious means, possibly involving national security agencies and their Hot Organic testing capabilities, that the poop contained e coli. Quelle surprise! So the Hot Organic White House Garden was discontinued.

That means that Michelle Obama’s first foray into the world of Hot Organic Gardening was cut short by a teensy error in fertilizer. Yes, it was Hot Organic Fertilizer, but it was still deadly fertilizer. If that doesn’t disqualify the woman from the 2009 Hot Organic Farmer Contest, I don’t know what would.

But we still have photos of other Hot Organic Farmers. Thank goodness.

Daniel Paduano has groves of avocado and citrus trees. His photo shows him kneeling in his khakis and polo shirt, outside a fenced off field, pulling grass. Maybe it was non-organic grass. Or worse, it might have been GMO grass and Daniel was worried about a potential Monsanto lawsuit. Whatever Daniel’s reason, it was nice to see a casually well dressed man, on his hands and knees, pulling grass before it crept into his avocado/citrus groves.

Stacy Brenner is shown, in her puffer vest, holding two “adorable baby sheep.” Maybe you would call them lambs. I would. I truly believe that when it’s beddy-by time at Broadturn Farm Stacy curls up naked in a bottle of Dr Bronner’s Hemp Eucalyptus. Nothing else could explain the aura of wholesome American Farm Goodness that surrounds her.

Mike Irving is shown carrying a peck, or a bushel, or some other giant measure of what looks like green onions grown next to a nuclear reactor. I’ll guess that they’re leeks. The look of grim determination on his face to hold onto way more produce than a tiny guy ought to tote, until the shot is over, ought to at least get him some mercy votes.

Then there’s Jim Dunlop. If I could pry Rebecca Thistlethwaite off of him, his work gloves, tee shirt, and the drill under his arm, combined with his rugged not-good-looks-but-adequate-testosterone face, would cause me to vote for his Organic Farming Hotness.

Head on over to: Hot Organic Farmers: Pick the Cutest Organic Farmers. You can vote for the Cutest Organic Farmer, rate Hot Organic Cuties, share your Hot Organic Cuties or leave a comment.

This makes two stories from Huffington Post that I’ve used to illustrate signs of the apocalypse. I’m not implying anything, heaven forfend! But Hot Organic Farmers? If that’s not a sign of the apocalypse, then somebody at Huffington Post is on the fast track to a Shallow Twits Award.

October 13, 2009

2 Ton Hummus-Sign of the Apocalypse?

I suppose it could be argued that two tons of hummus is a very mild sign of the apocalypse. But this tasty treat was all kitted out to give one the impression of the Lebanese flag. It took 250 chefs to whip up the culinary, and artistic, extravaganza.

In addition to finding the Lebanese flag pretty attractive, I don’t know how anybody could ever consider hummus a sign of anything except a healthy appetite. So, I have to vote, “No,” two tons of hummus isn’t a sign of the apocalypse.

Yum, hummus!

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Okay, Ms V, so you went to Yahoo news and that’s the best you found?” No it isn’t. Before I found the giant dish of hummus, I found the tragic story of one man’s Dew addiction. Frankly, I felt his pain.

While I was madly in love with Mountain Dew, I managed to avoid a full-blown addiction to it. Mainly because I was addicted to Dr Pepper, then Pepsi, then Classic Coke, then Diet Coke. But I sure did like a Dew on the way home from work now and then.

Unfortunately, in 2001 I was prescribed Topamax for chronic pain. One of its unpleasant side effects is a severe aversion to any kind of soda. Believe me, a caffeine withdrawal headache was nothing compared to the suffering of trying to gag down a foul, repulsive and disgusting soda.

Frankly, anyone who kicks caffeine AND sugar, at the same time, has all my sympathy. Kudos to you, Caron Butler. And kudos to whoever had the good taste (pun intended) to pick out your jammies!

I wish I looked good in green.

On the other hand, Red Bull turns out to be a sign of the apocalypse. Do your own research on Red Bull.